I need to start wearing a Jackie Chan mask when I go out. I don't have time for any more expat friends. They are a needy and tenaciously clingy bunch. Some are old, some are young, some are thin, some are obese, some are nihilists, and others are Christian fundamentalists, but they all share one thing in common: they are (or were) deranged enough to have willfully decided to teach English in the Republic of South Korea. And I fear this about them, though it is also true of me.