A Formal Response to MC Ben Hunter, Esq.'s Request for a Rap Battle

I will have to find a stunt rapper to perform this live while I nurse a Mickey's bigmouth backstage:

I don't mean to brag
but the evidence is empirical
that I'm a certified genius
of the sort that is lyrical
when I'm spittin' on the mic
The Pope says it's a miracle
and the hos in the front rows
be gettin' all hysteeerical

My heart don't beat
it plays drum solos
check the EKG sheet
and you see my logo
more famous than Nike
cuz there ain't nobody like me
I'm a backdoor man
cuz nobody invites me

A backdoor pass
Like Stockton to Malone
I'm a Dutch Boy in the Paint
talkin' on the phone
to my mom, boxin' out like Rodman
blacked out like Compton
when I'm on the vocoder
I come alive like Peter Frampton

Say [vocoder] I wanna fuck you [/vocoder]
and the club catches fire
y'all try to run
but you're surrounded by amplifiers
on all sides, don't try to hide
because I got the kind of rhymes
that are guided, like heat seeking missiles
when you receive my epistle
you'll rue the wo'ful day
you fucked with P-Dizzil - damn.