Dislikes

(in order of appearance in consciousness)

1. styrofoam
2. chalk
3. chalkboards
4. insects
5. airplanes
6. shopping
7. the word "milk"
8. sugar in my coffee
9. too-much-coffee puke sensations
10. driving purposefully
11. unlocking doors
12. balloons
13. dragonflies mating in midair
14. clowns
15. casinos
16. poetry slams
17. cellular phones
18. fighting with road maps and newspapers
19. reading something I wrote several months ago
20. comedians
21. birds
22. fish
23. reptiles
24. street gravel in early spring
25. the way a basketball feels in my hands
26. thoughts of infinity
27. babies
28. the sound of typing
29. Nebraskan winters and everything associated with them
30. the sound of running water
31. climbing ladders
32. choking on fish bones
33. the soprano saxophone when played by anyone other than John Coltrane
34. televisions
35. lime green
36. amusement parks
37. the eyes of goats
38. the part of the neck where the voicebox is located
39. being impersonated
40. 90% of all movies I've seen
41. happy endings
42. passing semi trucks on the interstate
43. mathematics
44. not giving money to hobos
45. giving money to hobos
46. the smell of alcohol
47. liquor
48. when girls get together and scream
49. malls
50. meatballs
51. Council Bluffs, Iowa
52. ending an otherwise amusing anecdote with a sigh and the words "Good times"
53. mops
54. Nicholas Cage
55. being stared at by the faceless masses
56. any phrase that begins with "If looks could kill ..."
57. narratives written in the present tense
58. when someone says "just kidding" because they assume you haven't gotten the joke
59. anything that requires manual dexterity
60. the last hundred pages of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle
61. tying my shoes
62. billboards
63. overdubbed films
64. those thick glass tiles endemic to apartment buildings built in the 1970's
65. "What kind of music do you like?" "Oh, I like everything."
66. having to pee all the time
67. the smell of products ordered from the OTC Catalog
68. babysitters who tickle
69. mannequins
70. nightmares about teeth
71. the question "What do you want to do?"
72. the question "Where do you want to eat?"
73. North Platte, Nebraska
74. whoopie cushions
75. the buying and selling of Indulgences
76. objective truth
77. wind
78. finding myself on either end of the service industry
79. comic books
80. receiving a Matchbox Car when I have asked for a Transformer
81. the last three notes of "I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder
82. perfection
83. having to rewrite something I have accidentally erased
84. offensive bumper stickers
85. cleaning my room
86. cooking
87. tourism
88. formal wear
89. elevators
90. escalators
91. grain elevators
92. shaving
93. Interstate 29
94. martinis
95. misspellings in marquee displays
96. gratuitous use and misuse of French by novelists
97. meatloaf
98. organized religion
99. pornography
100. pictures of lampreys
101. tattoos
102. "An Inconvenient Truth"
103. people who take a lot of pictures at social occasions
104. wearing a watch
105. swimming pools
106. long corridors
107. aliens
108. venetian blinds
109. the word "fag"
110. Bluetooths/Blueteeth
111. video games
112. discotheques
113. cracking one's knuckles
114. professional wrestling
115. men who spit
116. and the women who love them